Wordless Wednesday

Pardon Me While I Vent……

Yesterday I went to the drug store to pick up some needed toiletries. It was a store I don’t usually frequent and I was unfamiliar with its layout.

After wandering aimlessly up and down the aisles I decided the smart thing to do would be ask for assistance.

I spotted a young lady wearing a smock with the store logo and figured she might be able to help.

I was wrong.

I politely asked, “Where do you keep the emery boards, please?”  

She thought for a moment and then said, “Aisle 5, right hand side, bottom shelf. “

She sounded very knowledgeable and sure of herself so I toddled off to aisle 5.

I knew I was in the wrong place immediately. The only products in aisle 5 were school and office supplies.

I was back to indiscriminately roaming the store.

I finally found the Revlon products..…..approximately three feet from the young lady with the smock.

For a split second I considered telling her, “If you’re ever asked again where the emery boards are, this is WHAT they are and they’re located over there.”

But I decided against it.

I was afraid my helpfulness might be misinterpreted as hostility. 

Yet another child left behind…..

Punny Monday

You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

(footnote:I'm running out of good puns so I've decided to switch to PARAPROSDOKIANS.

PARAPROSDOKIANS (Winston Churchill loved them) are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently humorous.)

“How Many Holes in the Wall Does it Take to Hang a Picture?”

You’d think hanging a picture is pretty straightforward, right?

You’d be wrong.

At least for us (ahem….you know what I mean, lol.)

Here's how it goes.....
First, check to see if the framer has placed the hangers evenly on both sides of the back of the frame. (Believe me when I say to measure this! It will save much discussion later.)

Second, measure the distance between the windows and divide to find center of wall on which the picture will be hung.

Third, measure the picture frame to determine the center.

Fourth, have Husband hold picture up to wall to decide how high it should be.

Fifth, put pieces of painters tape on wall to mark all measurements.

Sixth, get confused as to which side of the painters tape marks your spot.

Seventh, when you’re ABSOLUTELY SURE you’ve measured correctly and you’re satisfied as to the placement of the picture……drill two holes and insert oversized screws (just to be sure they will bear the weight of the picture) into wall.

Eighth, hoist picture up to wall and try to catch the wire on both screws.

Ninth, swear a lot while doing number eight.

Tenth, center picture so it hangs evenly on the screws…..except….it doesn’t.

Eleventh, move picture around on screws and try to determine why it won’t hang straight.

Twelfth, take picture down and take all measurements again.

Thirteenth, conclude the solution is to move one of the screws up ½ inch to compensate for the tilt of the picture.

Fourteenth, unscrew/re-screw screw.

Fifteenth, re-hang picture and straighten.

Sixteenth, stand back and see it’s still slightly ‘off’.

Seventeenth, decide its ‘good enough’ and three giant holes in the wall is sufficient damage for one day.

So, the answer to the question at the beginning of this diatribe is THREE. It takes three holes for us to hang a picture. And for some reason, ahem, we didn't fix the extra hole. 

It also took three holes to hang the bling mirror. We never bothered to fix the third hole there either…..so both holes are still there.....behind their respective hangings……gapingly open……..you can’t see them but they haunt me…..for so many reasons….not only my OCD-ness but I lie in bed at night wondering what sort of ‘critters’ are going to come crawling in through those holes! 

Mostly I worry about the one over my side of the bed!

It's an aged and slightly damaged  blueprint of our old house up north. A little reminder of our 'previous' life. 

And the Lord Said

…..let there be coolant! 

I'm happy to report the new A/C unit is installed and working like a charm! 

Wordless Wednesday

Perspective is Everyting

Waiting for the new a/c unit to be installed.....they did give us a 'loaner' to tide us over....but.......
To cool off we float in the pool....and it's GLORIOUS...... (I don't mean to rub it in, sorry.) 
It's interesting how it changes your attitude when you change your perspective. 

The 'view' from the pool.....LOL

Punny Monday

Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

(footnote:I'm running out of good puns so I've decided to switch to PARAPROSDOKIANS.

PARAPROSDOKIANS (Winston Churchill loved them) are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently humorous.)

The Haunted Headboard

Husband finished the headboard. It's EXACTLY what I wanted! 

PERFECT!

Except......for the slight possibility it might be haunted.....lol.

Things are shaping up in the bedroom. I think it may actually be finished soon. 
(I know it LOOKS like there's no video, but click on it a couple of times to view it.)

Thoughts on a Thursday

One of the reasons I think God is male: HOT FLASHES

NOT funny, dude.