I Was a Serial Fiancée

I’m apparently not very good at engagements.

I’ve been engaged to be married twice.

Neither time to Husband.

The first time I was nineteen. He was a sweet, naïve young man of traditional upbringing, which meant he held a somewhat unrealistic idea of marriage.

I knew I was in trouble when we went house hunting.

We found a lovely little condo in a serene setting. As we toured the model he described, in minute detail, what our life would be like.

It went something like this:

I would be the dutiful little apron wearing wife standing at the kitchen window as he returned home in the evening from work carrying his briefcase. I’ve NEVER worn an apron! Well, once in ninth grade home-ec because it was a requirement….. AND I worked (so who’s to say he wouldn’t get home first???) AND his job was not one where he toted a briefcase…….first red flag.

I would meet him at the door, still in apron, hand him a martini (he didn’t even DRINK martini’s!) usher him to the bedroom where we would engage in stellar, mind blowing sex! ….second red flag.  (cough cough)

As we cuddled in post booty afterglow he would light up a cigarette (again, he didn’t smoke!) then I would go back to the kitchen to finish preparing the gourmet dinner that I would serve to him by candlelight wearing ONLY the apron.

At this point, as I stared at him in disbelief, I knew I was in serious trouble.

Thus, ended the first engagement………………

The second time, I’m ashamed to admit, I was dazzled by the bright and shiny diamond he put on my finger. Never mind that it was MY money that paid for it. I knew it was a mistake the minute we stepped out of the jewelry store. And as I turned to tell him so, two of our friends rushed up to us and started shrieking and hugging and kissing us in engagement exhilaration. It’s not easy to tell your freshly minted fiancée you don’t want to marry him in front of two enthusiastically squealing friends.

For the next several weeks I tried to convince myself that it would have happened eventually anyway…..great way to go into a marriage, right?

Over the next several months I tried to extricate myself from the situation to no avail. He finally found someone better (the wedding planner, funnily enough) and I escaped.

So when I met Husband I told him I was ADAMENT about NEVER getting married or having children. And I truly thought I felt that way. Playing house was fine but NO engagements or weddings or kids…..ever…….

Until I grew up enough to realize it wasn’t marriage that was the problem it was who I had been planning to do it with.

I still didn’t risk getting engaged, though.

We did it all backwards: bought a house, eloped, then kids and THEN I got the engagement ring….. you know, just in case I really did carry a curse!