I was minding my own business last night when, out of the corner of my eye, I spied a movement that shouldn’t have been.
Husband was sweetly snoring in bed along with, the only other living being in the house besides me, the cat.
So as you might surmise, I was curious as to what was moving.
As I turned to look I was confronted with a prehistoric creature of unmitigated yuckiness! A GARGANTUAN palmetto bug! (I hate these things! As many times as ‘they’ tell me it’s not a cockroach I totally disagree!)
These suckers have the speed and agility of a cheetah.
It bolted behind a chest that we use as a liquor cabinet. I gingerly pulled out said chest only to see it dash inside.
So at approximately 2 AM I was very carefully emptying out the contents of the liquor cabinet looking for a two foot long palmetto bug. (At this point I must admit I contemplated leaving it for Husband to deal with in the morning, but sleep would be impossible knowing that this Creature from the Black Lagoon was stalking the house.)
When ‘the creature’ finally emerged from his hiding place I chased him crazily around the living room weaving between the liquor bottles that were now standing on the floor, like traffic cones in a bizarre kind of driving test, brandishing my sneaker (for squashing purposes) as said bottles went tumbling, clinking and clanking into one another (and I think I might have screamed just a little.)
All I’m saying is I wasn’t quiet.
At this point I didn’t care if I woke Husband (then HE could deal with “The Beast”.)
But fate was on my side and I was victorious against my enemy.
As I crawled into bed a few minutes later Husband was still snuggled warmly in the blankets, softly snoring, unaware of the colossal battle I had just waged.
The man can sleep through ANYTHING!
You're a much better wife than I am. I would have woken Himself up.
ReplyDeleteSo after I picked myself up off the floor through all the laughing....seriously though I think you took on the challenge with great resolve. I too hate bugs and creepy crawlies. A few months ago I got up in the night having put on my trusty dressing gown that had been hanging on the bottom of the bed. As I went to another room I thought I caught a glimpse of something by my left shoulder, but dismissed the idea, only to see it again and then realise it was a humongous spider - the biggest in the world. Needless to say it was quickly dealt with, after a bit of agility, exercise and dancing about in shock!!
ReplyDeleteAnn, all I can say is, it was on your SHOULDER? YIKES!
ReplyDeleteIt's very hard to read this. I went from laughing to shuddering. Since I have cats, I don't see anything big enough to get into their mouths. And like any animal's human I try not think what was in their mouth or where it was before they lick my nose.
ReplyDeleteJaney
Ugh! I saw one of these huge bugs in Japan in my apartment (many years ago). My husband was in the navy so wasn't at home. I didn't have anything to spray it with and it kept flying around. I didn't know cockroaches could fly! I finally got some ammonia on a rag and shoved it over it. The fumes got it for me! I didn't want to smash the thing. Gross! Now, if my husband had been home, I might have waken him.
ReplyDeleteTimaree
OMG I'm still laughing! I totally relate to your revulsion of these creatures. I am not a squeamish person when it comes to bugs...but these, well...OMG! On hot summer nights when we lived in NYC, our cat would catch them (we lived in lower Manhattan in an "artist's loft") and bring them in to the bedroom as a little gift. We would scramble with shoes, phone books, hair brushes, or whatever we could lay our hands on to kill it. Your adventure so reminded me of this! :D Hahaha, you made my day!
ReplyDelete