HAPPY HALLOWEEN

Puppy and Pumpkin (aka Son1 & Son2 circa 1992. Son2 wouldn't let me 'stuff' the pumpkin costume! He didn't like the way the crumpled paper sounded when he walked!) 

Please Forward All Communication

I’ve always been a little disappointed (and annoyed) my mother hasn’t come back to haunt me. She promised she would!

There were times when she would threaten to come back, and times when she would tease that she’d come back.

So far she hasn’t made an appearance.

I haven’t given up hope yet though. She always kept her promises so I don’t think a little thing like death would keep her from her word.

Maybe she just doesn’t know we’ve moved! That must be it!

Maybe I should send a change of address card!

What do you think?

Time/Space Continuum

I am convinced time is passing faster than it used to.

I have no proof of this, just anecdotal evidence.

I used to be able to go to the grocery store on my lunch hour, do the weeks shopping, bring it home, put it away, make myself a sandwich and STILL get back to work on time.

One lunchtime I made thirteen stops, running errands and made it back to work on time. (I broke a motor mount in my car, but still, I was on time!)

Now, I sit down at the computer to work on a simple design, thinking ten minutes, tops, and it takes me hours!

What’s up with that?

It’s not that I don’t know the programs I’m working with. It’s not that it’s anything complicated.

I think I actually DID only take ten minutes, but someone is playing a cruel practical joke in turning the clocks forward to make me THINK it’s hours later!

And if I ever find the perpetrator who’s doing it, you’re in big trouble, mister!

New in the Shop

‘Creature’ Jigsaw Puzzles!

I don’t know why but these just tickle me!

I actually got one for myself, you know, for quality control! LOL

I’ve always been hooked on jigsaw puzzles, so I thought why not?

We’ll see how they work out.

And if no one buys them, then I get to play with them!

It’s a win win situation!

Go have a peek! (It makes me happy to see the visitor stats go up!)

The Lion in the Tunnel

When I was a kid, living in Westchester, we used to ride our bikes to the candy store.                                                                                                 This necessitated going under the railroad tracks.                                            

There was a tunnel that ran under the station for the commuters to reach either side of the tracks safely.

The tunnel always scared me.

Not for any rational reasons. But because of a television commercial that was running at the time.

It was for the Dreyfus Fund.                                                                                           

They used a lion as their ‘brand’.                                                                                      

In the commercial the lion was shown coming up the steps from a subway/train station tunnel.

I was always afraid I’d run into the lion in the tunnel.

I would never go to the candy store alone!

What a dork I was! LOL

‘THE CRUISE DIRECTOR’

Growing up my parents nicknamed me ‘THE CRUISE DIRECTOR’.

Apparently I like to be in charge! LOL

It’s true, I hate indecision. Although I am one of the biggest offenders when it comes to making choices myself (go figure!)

Husband knows this about me, and when the inevitable ‘where do you want to go for dinner?’ question arises his answer is always, “I don’t care.”

I think he does this for two reasons.

One: he really doesn’t care.

Two: he likes to see me get frustrated that he won’t decide for me!

Can YOU say passive-aggressive?

The Motel Chronicles, con’t

We used to drive from New York to Florida, via the I-95 corridor (the main interstate along the east coast.)

It’s a long and boring road.

1,400 miles of tedium.

With two small, energetic boys in the car you look for ways to pass the time.

I guess the owners of ‘South of the Border’ knew it was a mind-numbing ride because they put up funny billboards to advertise their hotel/restaurant/’theme park’ (using the term very loosely!)

Two states before you even reached the place the billboards started.

Hundreds of them!

We made a game out it. The first one to spot the next sign got points and the one with the most points won a prize when we got there.

It was, without a doubt, the sleaziest, dirtiest, kitschiest, roadside attraction.

But at the time it was the only motel in the area (and it was strategically located at the half way point of our trip, the point where if we didn’t get out of the car and rest we’d kill each other.)

PLUS, Pedro was smart…..along with the motel and restaurant, he had fireworks for sale (legal in South Carolina) AND a small play park with rides and lots of flashing lights for the kids.

Every year it seemed to get dirtier.

On our last stay, I kicked off my shoes as I entered the room (as I always do indoors) and walked across the 70’s green shag carpet and flopped on the bed.

Son1 looked at me in horror and said, “Mom! What’s on your feet?”

When I looked down, my socks were BLACK!

I don’t mean they were grey, dirty, been walking outside in your socks dirty, I mean BLACK!

It gave me the heebie-jeebies!

I was wide awake all night, watching the clock, just waiting till I could bolt out of bed and leave!

At about 4:30 AM I couldn’t take it any longer! I got everyone and everything shoved into the car and we left!

I didn’t feel clean for days! LOL

Chivalry is Not Dead

Our city recently changed it's trash collection program.

They distributed to each household two very large ‘waste receptacles’. Read: big ass garbage cans!

They’ve done this so everything is mechanized. You have to place the cans ‘just so’ to enable the automated arm to scoop them up and dump them.

It’s all very modern and ecological.

One can for recyclables, one for garbage.

We were pleased when we learned of the new service because our old garbage cans were long overdue for replacement.

This way the city did it for us. Win win!

However………

I am the one in charge of can retrieval. (Husband puts them out.)

Being the lazy person I am I wait until the afternoon when I know the mailman has come so I can combine the two chores.

One trip down the driveway, stuff mail under arm, grab one can in each hand, tip and roll them back up the driveway. I do this walking backwards because, as I said, the cans are quite large and unwieldy.

It’s really not all that difficult.

One afternoon, my 82 year old next door neighbor and his wife were just pulling out of their driveway.

They honked ‘hello’ and waved to me.

Without thinking, I let go of one of the cans to wave back. The can I let go of fell to its side and s-l-o-w-l-y slid down to the end of the driveway as my neighbors drove by with a surprised and slightly alarmed look on their faces. (I was laughing hysterically at my own stupidity!)

The following week the cans magically returned to their usual place alongside the house.

After Husband got home from work I thanked him for stopping by during the day and doing the chore.

He laughed and said he didn’t do it, our neighbor did.

The neighbor told Husband he saw how I was ‘struggling’ with the cans so he would do it from now on!

Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s a lovely gesture. He’s doing it to be nice. Bur he’s twenty years older than I am!

It makes me feel totally incompetent!

I just can’t figure out how to tell him without hurting his feelings.

So for the past several weeks it’s been the GREAT RACE TO THE GARBAGE CANS!

So far I’m winning! LOL

I Am THIS Far Away From Geritol

Do you remember Geritol? For iron poor blood?

As kids we used to make fun of the commercials because it was for OLD people.

But I have to tell you, lately, I feel like I might be a candidate!

(Geez, I take a few days off from drawing with the tablet and my skills go out the window! LOL)

Did I Ever Tell You About the Time I Served My Guests Raw Shrimp?

(and it wasn’t sushi?)

Yup, that’s right. Raw shrimp!

We have good friends from up north who come to visit.

They love the seafood we have in this area (Grouper, Stone Crab, and Gulf Shrimp.)

So we started our own private SEAFOOD FESTIVAL.

It consists of copious amounts of various local seafood and beer.

One year I thought it would be a good idea to pre-order the seafood. And because I’m basically lazy I ordered the shrimp cooked. (This is very common up north, apparently not so much down here!)

Now here’s the problem. 

Up north raw shrimp are grey in color.

Down here the shrimp are PINK. Both when raw and when cooked.

I thought it looked a little ‘under-done’ when I opened the package. I even mentioned it to Husband and visiting friend.

Did I mention there is a copious amount of beer as part of this celebration?

We all concluded it was okay and I served it up on a platter.

It would have been fine if it had just been our friends. 

We would have had a good laugh and been done with it. 

But this particular year we had invited their parents to join us.

So here I am, half sloshed and serving my guests raw shrimp!

They were incredibly gracious.

I was mortified!

Our ‘friends’ thought it was hysterical and teased me for the rest of the visit.

And every year since! (I’m still embarrassed!)

Talent

My mother had a way of making you feel like you were the best thing since sliced bread.

We talked on the phone at least once a day, and I was lucky enough to live nearby so we saw each other often.

Whenever I called, her voice would ‘light up’ when she realized who it was. 

You could hear her smile through the phone. She was genuinely happy that you called.

What an amazing talent that was! 

Long Legged Bunny

Still playing with the tablet. It's nice not to have a mess to clean up! Just turn it off and I'm done! (Is that not the ultimate in lazy? lol)

My Cabinet of Curiosities

This month’s theme at the Sketchbook Challenge is ‘Cabinet of Curiosities’.

To tell the truth, it kind of leaves me flat.

But as I was fooling around at the computer I started playing with some of my faces, cutting and slicing and rearranging them.

They looked quite curious! LOL

So this is my cabinet of curiosities. 

Mrs. Moylan

Mrs. Moylan was a friend of my mother’s.

She had a gazillion kids.

She was ALWAYS pregnant.

That has nothing to do with this story, actually, so I don’t know why I’m relating it.

Except that’s how I remember her.

She and my mother would often trade babysitting favors for each other.

I liked it when Mrs. Moylan would babysit me because it meant I got to go to their house.

And it usually included lunch.

This led to a little game we played.

It went like this:

She would say, “It’s time for lunch! What would you like?”

Then she would list my choices—PB&J sandwich, tuna salad sandwich, bologna sandwich, cheese sandwich, or……..egg salad sandwich with the crusts cut off. (My mother was in favor of crusts. I didn’t agree with this philosophy.)

Mrs. Moylan knew I was going to ask for egg salad, even though I knew I shouldn’t have it, and she knew she was going to offer it.

But we went through this ruse every time!

And then, after I had eaten the sandwich she would say in mock horror, “Oh no! You’re not supposed to have eggs! I forgot! Don’t tell your mother! It will be our little secret!” And she would wink.

Except I would hear her telling my mother when she came to pick me up, so I knew it was a game we all played.

I remember thinking how silly grownups were.

But I got an egg salad sandwich out of it! 

New at the Shop

Check it out! New journals in the shop. Have a peek!

Posie Love

Look what my very talented friend annie! from Bohemiannie!art gave me! 

She is here in the states on vacation and we met for a quick visit.

I am in Posie LOVE! 

I was so surprised and delighted and honored and, and, and……..I can’t think of enough adjectives to describe how I felt! LOL 

I actually had a choice of this or one of her FABulous fabric books. 

But the moment she pulled the posies out, my heart did a flip flop and I was in love! 

Every time I walk past them my face just lights up and I grin from ear to ear! 

I can’t explain how happy this beautiful little art quilt makes me! 

Thank you annie! Words seem inadequate for what I feel.

Anticipating the Bacon Shortage

WANTED

Hamilton B. Porker

$10,000 Reward

Because of the drought, hog farmers can’t afford to buy feed for their pigs. They are slaughtering them all. Hamilton, hearing this on the evening news, made his break and is now on the lamb. (groan) 

The farmers have pooled their resources and put up a $10,000 dollar reward for any information leading to the whereabouts and capture of “Ham”. Last seen with Charlene Sow, alias ‘Loinchop’.

If you have any information, please call 1-800-BACON.

 

(Hey, when inspiration strikes…sometimes you just have to roll with it. LOL Just be glad I didn’t go with my first thought: For crimes against hamanity {hahahaha, very punny, snort, oops, there I go again!})

Alien

Husband used to joke, while I was going though all the ovarian ‘stuff’, that he totally expected an alien to pop out of my abdomen before they were able to operate! (I did look pregnant right before the surgery, but I digress….)

The surgeon tried to do the surgery laparoscopically but the tumor was too large so he ended up making a rather sizable incision. This apparently weakened my navel. So when I healed, it healed…..funny.

One day as I was standing in front of the mirror doing my morning ablutions, I happened to notice that the reflection of my navel looked a little odd.

Now, I confess to seeing ‘things’ in all sorts of places, creatures in clouds, faces in sidewalk cracks, but I have never before seen the profile of a large nosed man lodged in my navel!

I showed Husband and his remark was, “See! I was right! There IS an alien trying to get out!”

Proving once again that humor is everywhere! Even in my belly button!

Inquiring Minds Want To Know

We watch a lot of educational TV.

History channel, Discovery channel, PBS. 

Interesting stuff.

But I have a habit of becoming……..just a little bit belligerent, and I yell at the TV!

(I know, she says hanging her head in shame.)

I say things like, “How the hell do you know that’s what they did two million years ago? Were you there?”

And, “Pshaw!” (Although I think the word I use begins with a ‘B’!)

But I do, upon occasion, ask intelligent and probing questions.

Like, who was the first person to look at a clam and say, “Yummy! I think I’ll eat this!”

We were watching a program about the Aztecs the other night.

This is the question that popped into my head: Who was the moron that said to the high priest, “Hey, I have an idea! Let’s yank a beating heart out of one of our people and offer it up to the Gods! That is sure to end the famine and turn our luck around!”

And how did they convince the sacrifice-ee?

Can’t you just hear that conversation?

“Hey, Joe? Um, got a minute? I’d like to ask a favor.”

Inquiring minds want to know!