Why I Don’t Teach

I went to college to be a teacher.

Luckily for the school system and every child on earth, life took me on a different path.

It‘s a good thing.

Teaching is performance art.

To say I suffer from anxiety disorder in front of a group is an understatement.

I knew this from an early age, but it must have slipped my mind several times throughout my life…….

Wherever we lived my father joined the local theatre group.

It looked like so much fun!

What I failed to recognize was it might not be fun for everyone.

So when they formed a children’s group I joined.

I dutifully went to every rehearsal.

The night of the performance my father slathered my face with greasepaint (this is where my lifetime aversion to makeup began, I think) and I got into my cute, albeit slightly offensive, oriental costume.

The play started.

I had learned my lines alright, but what I hadn’t learned were my cues! (Who knew?)

Trough the whole performance my girlfriend would elbow me every time it was my turn to say my lines.

I stood there mortified, spitting them out like a gumball machine at every jab!

I dropped out of the group.

I didn’t set foot on a stage again until my senior year in high school.

The minute I stepped on stage in front of the audience, the memory of that long ago day when I was seven came flooding back to me and my intestines immediately said…..”Oh, that’s right! I HATE THIS!”

I didn’t show up for the second performance.

So, in retrospect, it’s a good thing (as Martha would say) I didn’t become a teacher!