.....and other random stuff......

Thursday, October 24, 2013

My Calculator Lies

He does.

Every month I have the pleasure of balancing the checkbook.

It is a well known fact I have a tenuous relationship with math……banks are not my favorite institutions and inanimate objects and I don’t get along very well.
Put them all together and it does not bode well for a happy ending.

Then throw in the fact that my calculator lies, and….well……..
You can see how this could go terribly, terribly wrong.

Husband runs away when he sees the bank statement in the mail.

I don’t blame him.

I spend several days heaving heavy sighs looking at the unopened bank statement.
Then I suck it up and open the envelope.
I set up a “balancing the checkbook station” with checkbook, copies of the bank statement (because I have been known to get into a snit and rip up the pages upon occasion) pen and calculator.

I sit at the desk and commence to go out of my mind.

I know it’s not going to balance on the first go.
And yet………
Ever the optimist, I try.

And I come close.
Very close.

 Then it happens.

The calculator changes his mind!
Ooooops! Sorry, I didn’t mean $5,293.36 I meant $5,486.96….’my bad’ he says to me.

So I do it again.

Meticulously entering all the months’ sums, I hit ‘equal’………and a THIRD AND COMPLETELY different total appears.

I swear I can hear a mocking tone in his clicks as I enter the numbers.
And I think I can see just the slightest upturn at the corners of his display, as if he’s trying to hold back a smile.

He mocks me.

(I know what you’re thinking, so being proactive, the answers are: Yes, I changed his batteries. Yes, I have tried a different calculator (no comments from the peanut gallery, please!) Yes, Husband has tried to do it. That did not go well either.

………..you don’t suppose I’ve wandered into theElectronicTwilight Zone do you…….?


  1. You probably have and that calculator may need a swim in the canal.

  2. One word: Quicken. download your activities daily, monthly into Quicken. Quicken will balance to your bank statement or online balance. And if something goes amiss you can have Quicken create an entry to balance everything. TaDa!

  3. I didn't know anyone actually "balanced" a checkbook anymore. We keep track online daily so never wait till the end of the month nor do we get paper statements in the mail (since the mail around here gets stolen on occasion we really need online statements). Try checking it online and see how you like it. It's changed how I pay bills and shop and everything!

  4. You are definitely in the electronic twilight zone, but did you have to drag me into it too!! Lol

  5. Yes, I don'[t trust paper mail anymore. In fact. I don't trust too many things anymore where privacy is concerned. I always check on line even though I'm sure there are creepers and peepers there, too, that are sitting there with the corners of their displays turned up.

  6. Don't blame the poor calculator, can he go for a walk? Can he sit and read the paper? No, all HE can do is mess up. So be kind to the thing.


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