Why I Can’t (read: won’t) Go to the Doctor

I’ve done something to my thumb. Thumb, wrist, finger…..in that area.

I must have pinched a nerve or something.

It’s numb and hurts at the same time!

It’s been several weeks now and it doesn’t seem to be resolving itself.

I should go to the doctor about it.

But I can’t.

And here’s why.

I have ‘issues’.

Nothing major, just the usual…….aging, haven’t been very diligent about caring for myself, high blood pressure, overweight, cholesterol…..the usual stuff.

PLUS at my last checkup she says I’m working my way towards diabetes.

(Which runs in my family but I can’t blame it entirely on them……)

So what do I do to help myself?

Nothing, of course.

I mean, I did lose weight (which I have now put back on because when I’m in pain I self medicate, and my go to ‘drug ‘of choice is food!)

If I go to the doctor the first thing she’ll say is, “You’ve gained the weight back!” and I’ll feel guilty.

And then she’ll say she wants blood work to check my A1C and tell me I need to go on diabetes meds.

And I’ll feel guilty.

And she’ll tell me to exercise more. 

And I’ll feel guilty.

Then she’ll probably tell me to go see specialist about my thumb and it will all cost me more money and the resolution will be, “You pinched a nerve. It needs time to heal. That will be $$$$$, please.”

And I’ll feel guilty.

For not waiting for it to heal on its own, for spending $$$$ unnecessarily, and for being such a wimp!

And that, my friends, is why I won’t go to the doctor.

I can’t take that much guilt!