Why can’t we be satisfied with our own style?
I have been in a sort of funk lately.
It’s business as usual.
Everyone has them.
I go through this periodically. It’s a cycle. And I realize
it.
Intellectually that is.
Emotionally it hits me every time.
I draw every day.
Sometimes it’s okay, sometimes it turns out really well,
mostly………it sucks (I’m not fishing for compliments here.)
I’m used to that, the whole 10,000 bad paintings thing.
But lately I’m finding myself wanting to paint like some of
the other artists I see in the blogosphere.
To be able to produce watercolors like Nora McPhail……swoon.
Or to toss off everyday sketches of my dog the caliber of
Ann Hyde…..sigh.
I know it’s wrong to feel this way, yet I do.
This too shall pass, as my mother used to say.
But I thought it was important to get it out there.
Maybe I’m just venting to feel better. But maybe it IS
important to share the down times, the disasters, and the failures.
I try to strike a middle ground here. Somewhere between Suzy
Sunshine and Debbie Downer.
I get so sick of reading blogs and Facebook posts that are
all sunshiny and positive and uplifting and make it seem that their lives are a
series of nothing but successes. Blech!
So instead of sitting in a corner and crying by myself, here
I am baring my soul for all to see.
It’s not pretty, but it’s real.
No, no, it is not only you. I believe every creative person has these feeling, the disbelief of ones talent, the envy for others talents. I think it is what keeps us going. It makes us try to be better and maybe to find our own way to make art.
ReplyDeleteI've been down and under so many times because of the uncertainty and disbelief of what and why I am painting and writing when I'm no good. Co-exhibitions with a very gifted friend of my, made me want to hang myself. My work looked so lousy. This feeling nagged me a lot, I had to write about it in my Finnish blog, I had to bring it up and it helped. I realized that i wanted to be me and do my kind of work. I didn't want to be anyone else.
It's not pretty, like you wrote, and yes, it is true, and sometimes it has to be like that, otherwise we wouldn't be human but psychopaths.
You are yourself.
(sorry about grammar and spelling mistakes, well, they make me human. Hug.
No you are not on your own. I have those feelings frequently. I hope it's not long before you are feeling on top again.
ReplyDeleteYou are not alone, and you've given me an idea for Sat. blogpost. Thank you!
ReplyDeleteIf you turn into Suzy Sunshine, I will probably stop visiting your blog!
ReplyDeleteI come here because you are you and you are an Artist and you speak the truth.
Every artist has these doubts. Thanks for spilling your guts here. I hope this funk doesn't last too long for you.
Definitely not alone. Thanks, I needed that just now. Would have been kind of depressing to throw a pity-party and have no one show up. I promised my readers I wouldn't whine and rant and that was probably a mistake.
ReplyDeleteYou're real…and that's one of the things I love about you. I tend to hide behind my pictures and posts but I totally get into the emotional funks on a regular..cyclical basis too. We all do. The important thing I see is that you draw every day…and even if you didn't it'd be ok. But you don't give up…and that makes you a hero in my book.
ReplyDeleteYou are definitely not alone. I think we all have have those feelings quite often . And if we don't we're lying. Too often we want to see the happy, smiley good stuff when we really wanna show the real and raw stuff, cause that's how we're feeling inside. You have your own unique style and you are a wonderful story teller. As Annie said, you DO keep it real and show up every day. I come here as Alarm Cat said "because you are you and are an artist.
ReplyDeleteYeah I get this - It happens often. There are so many people that I see creations by and think 'I wish I could ___________(fill in the blank) like them'. You are one of those people. I love your drawing style and your storytelling. I wish I could draw like you. But I can't so I continue on and work at drawing like I do. I love visiting your blog, and I am grateful that you always visit mine as well. Keep on doing what you do, cause you do it so very well.
ReplyDeleteAww, thanks so much for the mention :-) The thing is, I get the same as you do...there are times when there is (blank) in my mind AND on the paper...and then when I do get the pen on the paper its (yuck)......As for your drawings, you haven't realised that YOU inspire ME. You are an expert at creating all these characters, like this one today and when you draw yourself, they are awesome. You have a unique style that I would love to be able to create, but never could. Keep up your great work and writing (your turn of phrase always makes me smile).
ReplyDeleteps....I was late adding this comment, when I mention your drawing today...I mean your post 3/26 :-)
ReplyDeleteI don't often wish to paint like someone else does. I want to buy their paintings and then paint like I do - except I don't paint much and not at all outside my journal. I have so many classes going and I'm not getting to them so I guess that's my version of the downers. I'm afraid that they won't turn out nice so I don't even start! I have to change that though because I really want to paint! I guess I could hide all the bad ones mainly from my family. With all you artists out there its easier to share a bad one because I know all of you feel like you've done bad ones even if they don't look bad to me but my family expects me to shine! Pressure from them and from me gets me down. It's good to recognize we all want to do better and that we all get down when we aren't and like you, I know it won't stay that way, we just have to practice even more so I guess it's time for ME to get busy. What are you going to do now?
ReplyDelete