Okay, so I expected the fading eyesight…..I’ve worn reading glasses for years.
I knew about ‘liver spots’. I’m not happy about them, but I was aware of them. I knew that boobs race each other to see who can droop the lowest. I endure the creeping poundage. I was aware I’d develop aches and pains and I knew I wouldn’t be able to do all the things I did as a 22 year old.
And I accept these changes with grace and dignity (I think!)
But nobody told me about ‘things’ starting to grow on me!
Little alien ‘things’ that pop up here and there!
What the hell is THAT?
A rogue mass of cells that decided, “Hey, let’s really drive her nuts and cluster here! She’ll freak out and think she’s got melanoma! Hahahahaha!”
NOT FUNNY, GUYS.
I mean, I’ve always been kind to you. I’ve taken care of you. I don’t expose you to extreme amounts of ultra violet light. Even though I’d love to go outside more I take you into consideration and don’t. And when I do I wear sunscreen. I keep you moisturized. I keep you scrupulously clean.
Why are you being so MEAN to me?
File under: Things Mom never told me.....