Late To The Party

I was never a coffee drinker.

I don’t, as a rule, like hot beverages.

That is, until we bought the Keurig.

Now I get it!

I’m hooked.

It’s not just the ‘drinking’ of the coffee; it’s the whole ritual that goes with it.

Choosing the perfect mug, spooning in just the right amount of Splenda.

The shaking of the K-cup (the directions say to do that and as a newbie who am I to argue?)

The rumble of the machine heating the water, the sputtering as it forces the water through the grounds. 

The last cough of the last drip.

The splash of milk and then the stirring: five clockwise stirs, no more no less. (Learned from Husband! LOL)

Then, wrapping you hands around the warm mug and the first delicious sip!

Ah…nectar of the Gods! Now I get it!

Digital Fun

Words Are Superfluous

Photos taken from our front yard, in a five minute time span and are totally untouched, filtered or altered in any way.

BREATHTAKING! 

(This is why they applaud sunsets around here!)

Step Away From the Children

I hate it when my kids argue.

When they were little and they fought I would step in and separate them to give them time to cool off.

As they grew older I’d just say in a calm but firm voice (a.k.a. yelled), “GENTELMAN, SEPARATE!”

Now, I can’t do that.

And it breaks my heart I can’t ‘fix’ it for them.

Husband says I need to step away from the children, because they’re not children anymore and they need to work it out on their own.

Do you know any mother who doesn’t find this heartbreakingly difficult?

They each want me to be on their side.

But I can’t. I’m on both their sides.

I can see both sides of their argument.

What’s a mother to do? L

I’m a Bad Influence

It’s all my fault (isn’t it always? LOL)

Son1 bought a Wacom tablet because I was going on about mine.

So now I get the blame for reckless spending! 

'Awesome' by Son1

But he’s right, it IS awesome!

I Could Have Been a Theoretical Physicist

Really, I could have.

I just love ideas and possibilities. No matter how farfetched. 

I could talk about them for hours.

And basically, isn’t that what a Theoretical Physicist does?

Make stuff up?

That’s what makes it THEORETICAL!

I would have been really good at it too because I have some doozies!

Plus, they get paid BIG TIME!

So what’s not to like about a job that pays beaucoup money and you get to make shit up and people have to listen to you because you have Dr. in front of your name and you’ve gone to school for years beyond when you have to (mostly because you’re too scared to go out into the real world and get a real job?)

What started this rant you may ask?

 I just watched an episode of ‘Ancient Aliens’ where they put forth the theory that there is another planet at the earth’s core that is populated by extraterrestrials and the portal to enter and exit is at the North Pole! (I swear I was waiting for them to somehow work Santa into the theory! LOL)

People get PAID for this?

Yeah, I could definitely do that!

Sweetie Pie

My mother was good under fire.

A cool cucumber.

Unflappable.

When my father and BigBrother were living in New York, and my mother and I were still in MD, we spent a lot of time with my best friend and her family. The moms got to be friends and we would often eat dinner with them.

On one such occasion Miss Pat made lasagna.

But as she took it out of the oven it slipped out of her hands and crashed to the floor…..upside-down.

She looked at my mother in horror and said, “What are we going to do now?”

My mother said, “We’ll just scrape it up and put it back in the pan.”

Miss Pat said, “I can’t do that! I have a dog!”

Without hesitation my mother scooped up the lasagna and plopped it back into the pan, leaving one layer on the floor, sprinkled some parmesan cheese on top and popped it back into the oven.

After they had cleaned up the mess left on the floor, they called us all to the table.

Mr. D. said, “This smells good. What is it?”

“Lasagna,” replied Miss Pat.

“Lasagna? I thought lasagna was in layers.”

Without missing a beat my mother reached for the pan and said, “It’s a new recipe.”

We were none the wiser until years later when Miss Pat and my mother laughingly told us the story!

(*Sweetie Pie was the dog’s name)

I Could Be So Much Thinner If It Wasn’t For All The Damn Commercials!

I’ll be sitting there, minding my own business, watching some inane TV show.

I’m not hungry, I’m not craving anything.

Then there’s a commercial.

I wasn’t even thinking about macaroni and cheese!

Didn’t even know I wanted macaroni and cheese until the commercial tells me I do!

And damn if I don’t start craving some mac & cheese!

CRAP!

Now I can’t stop thinking about macaroni and cheese.

How good and creamy it looked in that commercial.

And I just happened to have some Stouffer’s (which next to my mother’s homemade is the best mac & cheese ever! IMHO) in the freezer.

I hold out until the next commercial, but I know it’s coming.

It’s really too bad this kind of conditioning doesn’t work in reverse.

Wouldn’t it be great if they showed ‘willpower’ commercials?

And instead of getting up and hitting the kitchen, we’d get up and exercise!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

I just crack myself up! 

Digital Drawing

I usually do my digital drawing late at night.

The tablet is tethered to my PC which is in the bedroom.

And as much as I’d like to do it during daylight hours, I get annoyed at being ‘stuck’ in the bedroom. (I know, I’m weird. But I like to feel like a real person who’s allowed out once in a while! LOL)

'Feathered Ephalant' (misspelling intended)

These guys look really funny at 3AM.

Somehow in the light of day they lose their awesomeness.

Think it might have something to do with the hour? LOL

Fond Memories

Like I’ve said before, BigBrother is five years older than I.

At different times in childhood that is a huge gap.

So when he would deem me ‘fit to associate with’ I was thrilled!

One Christmas there was a whopping snowstorm and we decided to go for a walk in the snow.

I remember the hush that fell over the neighborhood. The way the large fluffy flakes slowly drifted down from the sky and sparkled in the street lights. The way our voices sounded muffled as we talked. The snow crunching under our boots, and the way our breath made little clouds in front of our faces.

But most of all I remember how BigBrother spoke to me.

When we were little, we fought a lot or avoided each other, like most siblings I imagine.

Being of different genders (and the age difference) we went our separate ways as we grew.

But this particular night we were just two kids talking and laughing and sharing secrets.

So here’s to you BigBrother, for no other reason than I was thinking about you. 

My First Digital Creature

Carla Sonheim would be so proud! LOL

Pop Rocks and Barium

I don’t want to sound like a whiner (she says whining.)

And I know that there are FAR worse medical procedures out there.

BUT……….

When they make you drink Pop Rocks mixed with Barium it’s not pretty.

I should be back on terra firma by Sunday (I hope! LOL)

My First REAL Digital Drawing

Well, okay, it’s really not the FIRST.

But it’s the first one that I’m satisfied with.

Done from a photo of Fluffy as a reference, not real life.

It still counts! LOL

(Materials: Wacom Bamboo tablet and stylus, but I don’t remember what ‘brushes’ I used. I’m still experimenting and learning.)

Husband Story #1: Okay, You Asked For It!

(Forewarning: You asked for this so don’t blame me!)

Husband’s job takes him into people’s homes.

It’s not always pretty.

On this particular occasion, as he pulls into the driveway he can already hear them inside yelling at each other.

It’s an elderly married couple.

They have been (and still are) drinking.

It’s 9AM.

The little old lady ushers him into the house and says, “Go ahead and put your tools down.”

Husband politely declines because everywhere on the floor there are plies of dried dog feces and urine.

As Husband works, the old man settles on the couch.

His wife sees him and says, “Oh for God’s sake, Gerald! Your nuts are hanging out! Go put on some pants! The man doesn’t want to see your balls!

(it's at this point in the story I snorted iced tea out of my nose!)

I feel sorry for Husband on several levels:

He has a severe ‘cootie’ aversion, so the filth he has to endure must drive him batty.

Encountering people in various states of undress must be very disconcerting.

But most of all I don’t know how he keeps a straight face through it all!

“For God’s sake Gerald, your nuts are hanging out!” 

How can you not burst into laughter at hearing that? 

Or go screaming out of the house? (One or the other!)

Husband’s comment after proofing this post: “Yup, that’s my life.”

·     

Another Theory

I have a theory (I know, surprising, huh?)

I think, when you’re born, you are allotted a certain number of words for your lifetime.

Some people get more than others.

Me, I was given a multitude.

When I was a baby my father couldn’t wait till I learned to talk so we could have deep meaningful conversations.

When I finally did learn to talk he lamented, “Doesn’t she EVER shut up?”

But I think I may be coming to the end of my allowance.

I stay at home all day, alone, seeing no one. If it wasn’t for telemarketers I wouldn’t talk to anyone for days on end!

Husband comes home from work and tells uproariously funny stories about some of the customers he encounters (which I would love to share with you but can’t figure out how to clean them up enough not to offend anyone! LOL)

We sit at the dinner table, listening to the TV and saying very little.

I’m afraid we have become one of those older couples we used to make fun of at restaurants, who would sit and eat their meal in complete silence.

We would always say how sad, they’ve run out of things to say to each other.

I wrack my brain to try and think of some witty topic and come up empty.

My father would laugh to think I’ve finally run out of things to say!

The Electronic Twilight Zone

We lovingly dubbed my mother’s house “The Electronic Twilight Zone”.

Let me preface this story: My mother was very cool. Very hip, very up to date. If there was a new product, be it on the grocery store shelves, in fashion or elsewhere she was first in line to try it.

CB radio, she had one. (Why, I don’t know. We lived in the suburbs!)

The first ‘cell phone’? Got it!

(Seriously, this one!)

The thing was, for some strange reason, once the products were installed they became possessed.

She would call Husband and ask him to look at her VCR because it was ‘acting up’.

He would go to her house and sure enough, it was.

So he’d bring it home, plug it in, and like magic it worked flawlessly!

He would even open it up just to make sure (cuz he LIKES to do stuff like that, go figure!) and it was always in perfect working order.

Back he would go and it would work fine……while he was there.

When he left it would ‘act up’ again!

And it wasn’t just the VCR.

When voice activated gadgets came on the market my mother was right there!

They were so new that not all the kinks were worked out, but that didn’t deter my mother.

Nosiree!

She got one of the first voice activated remote controls for TV.

It took her HOURS on the phone with technical support to set it up. (She talked to them so much they were on a first name basis!)

The boys still have fond memories of Grandma ‘talking’ to the remote.

She would pop a tape into the VCR, grab the remote and say into it, “Oh three’ to set the TV to channel three so they could watch a Disney movie.

Nothing.

She would try again, a little louder.

Still nothing.

My mother was a very strong willed individual and no small inanimate object was going to get the best of her!

So she would try again, each time getting louder and louder until she was yelling into the remote!

A normal person would try two or three times tops, and then just push the buttons on the remote.

Not my mother!

The next step was to call her ‘friends’ at technical support and try and work out the problem while the boys would sit impatiently waiting to watch Pinocchio!

A few years ago, Son1 sent me a page ripped out of an old magazine, advertising the voice activated remote my mother had.

On it he had written, ‘OH THREE!!’ in big bold letters and then in the margins he added ‘hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha……………good times!’

Other grandchildren have memories of their grandma baking cookies, taking them to see Santa……..

My kids have “OH THREE!!!”

I’m so glad they have fond memories! LOL

CRAP

Things I accomplished today:

Nothing

Nada

Zilch

Bupkis

Nil

Zero

Naught…….

Everything I touched turned to crap.

It started with a litter box fiasco and went downhill from there.

I’m going to go have myself a pity party and go to bed!

Goodnight!

The Tombs

We lived in New York, in the suburbs, but we used to ‘go to the city’ often. For dinner, to shop, or to go to a museum. One of the most memorable ‘sights’ my mother would take us to was The Tombs.

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

The Tombs is the colloquial name for the Manhattan Detention Complex^[1] (formerly the Bernard B. Kerik Complex^[2]), a jail in Lower Manhattan at 125 White Street, as well as the popular name of a series of preceding downtown jails, the first of which was built in 1838 in the Egyptian Revival style of architecture.^[1]

As we would stand on the sidewalk and look up at the tall building, the female inmates would yell down from the high windows. I’m sure they were yelling obscenities but I don’t recall what was said, or even if you could understand what they were saying.

I don’t know why my mother brought us there.

But I do remember how it made me feel. I felt sorry for the poor women locked up. I never thought about what they had done to be put there. And I’m not sure if sympathy was my mother’s intent. (Although, whenever I killed an ant or spider she used to say,”Awww, now his poor wife and children will wonder what happened to him when he doesn’t come home tonight.” So maybe it was empathy she was trying to instill in us.)

Kind of a strange memory.

Under The Weather

School is back in session so of course I picked up a bug. 

I don’t go anywhere near schools but for some reason around this time of year I get a germ. (It’s all Husband’s fault I’m sure!)

It’ nothing serious, but my head is all fuzzy (no comments from the peanut gallery, please! LOL) and it’s difficult to make coherent sentences. 

So until I can clear my brain, I’m going to pull the covers over my head and keep a low profile.

See you in a few days.

Song to My Muse

Sometimes I forget who I’m doing this ‘art’ thing for.

I lose sight of what it is I want.

I find myself trying to second guess what others would like to see, or read or buy.

I lose my way.

And I fail.

But then I get stubborn and I say to myself, to hell with everyone else!

I’m going to do what I want to do.

And my heart soars in the doing.

Sometimes I forget, but I find my way back.

And I am grateful!

Neither Fish nor Fowl

Someone once said to me she would give all the money in the world to go back in time and be a teenager all over again.

My reply was, are you CRAZY?!

I wouldn’t go back for all the money in the world!

Who would want to go back to a time when you were totally confused one minute and then totally sure about every single thing but ignored the next?

My mother used to say it was the hardest thing in the world to be a teenager.

You were neither ‘fish nor fowl’.

Too old to be considered a child and be excused for your behavior, too young to be considered an adult and respected.

It sucked!

(My VERY FIRST totally digital piece of art!)

Another New Toy

LOOK! I got another new toy!

We got an unexpected refund check from the insurance company. Did I do the responsible thing and put it toward my massive credit card bill?

NOOOOOOOO!

I run out and get myself a Wacom tablet (that I have been jonesing for, for like years….)

Now THIS is a learning curve.

It’s very…….weird.

To be ‘drawing’ on a surface that is in your lap (or on the desk) but seeing the marks on the computer monitor.

Makes me feel slightly vertigo-ish. LOL

But it’s major fun!

A much better investment than paying my credit card bill! 

(Hey, when I’m dead and gone my life insurance can cover my bills! For now I’m having fun!)

Glasses

Glasses here,

Glasses there,

Glasses, glasses everywhere!

Are you like me?

I wear reading glasses.

They were never where I needed them, and I was always walking around the house looking for where I had put them.

So to solve the problem, and because I’m basically lazy, I now have glasses in almost every room.

There is a pair in the bathroom, one on my desk, another in the living room, and still another in the studio!

And of course a pair in my purse.

Over time I’ve collected some very funky looking frames.

The best part is when husband can’t find his one pair and grabs mine.

He looks especially good in my red leopard frames! LOL

Blue Moon

It was a blue moon (second full moon in a calendar month) last night.

Thought I’d fool around with the camera a bit.

I’m having trouble focusing when it’s zoomed all the way out, even with the tripod, but considering the moon is 238,855 miles away, I don’t think these are too bad! LOL