I was browsing through the online TV guide today and I remarked to Husband, “I’m so bored with TV lately!”
After I picked him up off the floor…..he turned to me with a concerned look on his face and said, “Who ARE you? And what have you done with my wife?”
“Why do you say that?” I asked.
He replied, “You’re bored with TV, even your old movies. You turned off Easter Parade for God’s sake! You sit and draw and sketch and paint contentedly for hours on end. Without shredding it and throwing it away. You even LIKE what you’ve done! You go OUTSIDE! Into the SUNSHINE! I repeat, who are you and what have you done with my wife?”
So I told him.
I stopped taking my antidepressants.
And it’s WONDERFUL!
Don’t worry, I wasn’t on them for mental issues (I know, surprising isn’t it?)
I was on them because one of the side effects is they diminish hot flashes.
But when I found myself lying in bed at noon looking for a reason to get up and the only thing I could think was, ‘why bother?’ I knew I had to do something.
I think the meds had a boomerang effect on me.
They were MAKING me depressed.
So I weaned myself off and suddenly I have FEELS.
So many FEELS.
I had feelings when I was on them but they were mostly depressing and lonely feelings.
Now I actually feel happy.
Without forcing it.
It’s just there!
I haven’t felt this good in years!
I also cry at the drop of a hat, but after feeling mostly nothing I’m enjoying those feeling too. (I might be the only person who cried the whole time through Billy Crystal’s ‘700 Sundays’ on HBO.)
But it’s better than feeling dull all the time, so I’ll take it.
And I’ll cry if I want to! (Sorry, I couldn’t help myself!)