Eater’s Remorse

I also suffer from eater’s remorse.

It’s just like buyer’s remorse except with food.

And there is no possibility of returning the items, like with buyer’s remorse.

(Well, I guess there is a way but…..um, no.) 

I have noticed over the years my eaters remorse goes through cycles.

The holidays come along and I use them as an excuse to party hearty. C’mon, it’s the holidays!

(I need to state here that ANY holiday will do for this excuse. Flag Day IS TOO a holiday!)

Then the pounds start piling on and my blood sugars start rising and I feel guilty.

I try to be good. I really do.

Mostly…..

But I get downright serious in the few months before the dreaded doctor’s appointment.

The yearly checkup where she will look at me sternly as she reads me my ‘numbers’.

Cholesterol.

Blood sugar.

Weight. 

In anticipation of the dreaded rendezvous I find myself doing what I have lovingly dubbed ‘cramming for the finals’.

In the weeks leading to the ‘showdown’ I eat nothing but shredded cardboard (Ha! Take that cholesterol! And you, you lousy pancreas! Start doing your duty!)

Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t.

Mostly I get the stern look and a handful of prescriptions.